My babies

I just watched a video that man captured of his preemie sons first year and it was a tear-jerker. For those of you that have never had a baby in the NICU it may not mean as much but it touched my heart. My twin boys were 4 weeks early but they still had to go to the NICU for a week. It wasn't near as long as some babies have to stay. Honestly it was probably one of the shorter stays for babies. They were born at 5 lbs 5 oz and 5 lbs 7 oz. They were beautiful. It was one of the hardest things to watch my babies get shipped to another hospital because the one I was at didn't have a NICU. I was so upset. I had had a c-section and normally most women stay for 2 or 3 days but my doctor let Me be released after 24 hours because I was so upset.  I barely remember the pain of the incision.  I think mostly because I was so worried about my boys that I didn't care I felt. I cried the first time I had to shower and the first time I had to walk. I think I cried more in the first 2 months after they were born than I ever have in my whole life and that's saying a lot because I'm pretty emotional.  The only other time that probably compares is when I had my little girl and I had to stay in the hospital while my boys were at home for 2 days. I felt like a horrible momma when I got to the NICU and I didn't know which baby was which because I only saw them for a few minutes before they took them, I felt like a horrible momma because I was so worn out that I didn't get up to try to breastfeed both of them every 3 hours while we stayed with them in the hospital. I suggest while you're in the hospital that you limit your visitors because you won't rest at all with people coming in and out of your room so much. It's not rude.  You need the rest and they should understand.  Once we got home I was so worried with trying to clean and take care of them that I again felt like a horrible momma and wife. Thank God for my amazing husband and momma. I also suggest you get your momma or close friend to help you with cleaning or watching the baby while you nap. Not stay with you but just come over the first week or so. And do not keep taking the pain killers after the first 3 or so days because they make you tired which makes you feel like sleeping constantly and will in turn make you feel bad for not taking care of your baby.  It will hurt at first without the pills but it only gets better. After the first c-section it's a breeze.  Anyways, back to the main story. Watching then grow and laugh and roll and crawl and finally walk is amazing. They make me proud. I cannot imagine life without them. People always act like twins are hard and while at times it's not easy it's still awesome. Holding them for the first time was incredible. Together they weighed a little more than what a full term baby should weigh. They were so tiny. At the doctors office they say they  are only in the 35th percentile but I don't think that percentile stuff is correct. It changes so much when they gain a couple ounces. I think they are doing amazing for theur age. They are so smart. Just in the past couple of months they've seemed to take off, mentally. They surprise me daily. They are so sweet to watch. Cay is my instigator.  Har is my caretaker. Sai is my daredevil(who would've thought a 10 month old could  be a daredevil). At first when I had Sai I thought it was going to be hard trying to juggle the three of them. I remember thinking that I didn't know what I was going to do because Cay didn't laugh or smile for the first few weeks she was home. I was so worried about him. He wouldn't kiss me or anything. He loves her now but it was kind of touch and go at first. How people can give up their kids or have an abortion is beyond me. I can't fathom not wanting my babies. And FYI, abortion is murder. Any form of it is murder. It affects you mentally and physically. I had a miscarriage and if having an abortion feels half as bad as having a miscarriage I don't know how people live with what they've done to their baby. Babies are the imbodiment of innocence. Let me get back on track again. When I had Sai it was like I forgot what if was like to have a newborn even though it had barely been a year before that I had twins. She also makes me proud. I'm glad that I had them so close together.  They will have each other growing up the way I had my brothers. Even when they're being bad they still make me happy.  I love them infinity plus one.