Friendships Rants

Recently I got to visit with some of my cousins who were my best friends growing up and I realized how lacking most of my friendships are now. That new song by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers called "You can't make old friends" is so unbelievably true. Just a bit of history on my friendships with my cousins : I have two older brothers that are 25 and 23 and I'm 21. I have five girl cousins who are 24, 21, 21, 19, and 16.  They are my momma's sisters kids and like most people we're closer to my moms family. We were all close except Ren who was the youngest and therefore got left out a lot because of the age difference. They were my best friends until I turned 16, started dating Reese, who is now my husband, and I got into church. I was raised in church but until then I was trying to do my own thing and I didn't want to go to church. I practically lived with my cousins, went to the movies as often as I could, and wore some pretty tights clothes. Our friendships really ended when I wouldn't spend the night for the last time with two of my cousins kind of as a going away party because one of them was moving to Texas because it was a Saturday and I wasn't missing church the next morning to stay up all night watching TV and being depressed because my best friend was moving.  They got extremely mad at me and called me all sorts of things and it really hurt but I wasn't backing down from my decision and until a month ago it was awkward to be around the two of them that I refused to stay with. It wasn't the same and I haven't had a real best friend besides my momma and husband since then. Me and one of them both got married and we had each other in our weddings but it was mostly for memories sake. I truly have missed them and it was really hard to let go of all the hurt that was caused from it but once I did I was so much happier and I've actually been talking to them and trying to make an effort to get to know them again but it almost seems effortless because of all of our history together. I've had a lot of friends but none as close as my cousins.  It's really hard to become really good friends with new people. You have nothing to hold you to those people. I know that because I've tried, as hard as a somewhat antisocial person can try. Me and my husband have tried being friends with several different couples at our church. It was mostly because of him that we had those friendships.  He's very friendly. We're opposites in most things. Anyways the first two couples stopped going to church and either started going to a different church or quit completely and the third couple we were closer to than the first two (or at least Reese was closer to them. It seemed forced for the first couple months for me) but one of their family members moved back this way about 3 months ago and they started acting different. This certain family member is extremely hard to get along with. I can only handle someone making fun of me for so long but if you start making fun of my kids too and calling them stupid, I just can't be around you if I'm gonna keep my Jesus. We tried for a little while but I would rather not become homicidal and go to hell just because I'm trying to keep a floundering friendship above water. I'm not being dramatic. At all. My husband told the man(we'll call him bill) that he considered his best friend that he didn't want to spend all of the time that he was with Bill with Bill's family member(we'll call him John), who isn't in church, because he is always being rude to me and our kids and all they wanted to was play video games. Bill told him that it was his job to save John and that you have to be around someone to witness to them and that John didn't treat me and our kids any different than he treats anybody else, and that if Reese didn't want to be around John then Bill wasn't going to hangout with Reese until he got over not liking John. Reese told him that he treats everyone horrible but besides that they didn't talk until this past month. It's been extremely strained being around them. I'm having a hard time letting go of the fact that Bill was unkind to my husband and he didn't even try to see his side of things. My husband said that in friendships you fight just like in marriage and you get over it but again I don't think that it happens like that unless you've been friends for longer than they have because you don't have much invested in it. With the two of them not talking it's changed my friendship with (lets call them...) Jane and her friend, that has become a good friend of mine, Jill. We were hanging out but it seems way too forced to me now. And right before John moved back this way we had a not really a fight kind of argument with Jane and Bill. We had been over the youth group at our church that month and they had just got back from PEAK in Colorado. Everyone that went to PEAK was extremely upbeat about church because they got a good touch from God. We got the cds from PEAK and it WAS awesome. But after everyone got back they decided to start doing their own thing at church instead of the stuff that we had planned for the group. It was extremely aggravating. Even before they left for PEAK everyone kept giving us advice.  Let me just throw this in. I hate advice.  Even when I ask for it.  Anyways, we didn't schedule a youth service that Friday night because everybody was going to a service at another church and nobody would've been at our church.  Well Jill and her boyfriend at the time were fighting and they came over to our house that night to talk to us because talking about your problems with an outside party can help sometimes to get a different perspective,  as long as its not going to cause them to resent your significant other or cause more problems (I suggest someone slightly older than you and thats the same sex as you). Well we couldn't just leave them at our house when they needed us. Well that made Jane and Bill mad at us because it was our responsibility to go to that service that wasn't at our church because that was the replacement for a service at our church. I HATE being told I'm supposed to do something by someone who is not an elder of the church like my pastor. It doesn't go over well with me. So we were already kind of on shaky ground with that friendship before John moved back but it just made things much worse. I'm obviously having a hard time forgiving all of this, which I have been praying about so its not hopeless. Another thing I hate is starting new friendships. You don't know how some people will react to things that you say and do. Also I hate when people act like their phones are more interesting and more important than I am when they're sitting there talking to me. You don't have to have a cell phone to survive. People lived for a long time without them and got along just fine. I find it extremely rude and while a cellphone is handy to have and I do play on mine more than I should, it is one of the worst inventions in the world along with the TV. We've been trying to be friends with another couple here lately and its going good so far. It doesn't feel as forced and awkward as it first did with Jane. I normally stay to myself because friendships normally don't last for me so I think why make the effort but I'm trying to change that. It's more so when I try to be really close friends with someone that it falls apart. But like I said I'm trying to change that. I've been wanting to get that off my chest for a while now so I feel somewhat better now.  I would also like to say that Jesus is the only friend any of us actually need. He's the best friend that anyone has or ever will have.  And I am forever thankful for his amazing grace and his sacrifice to save a wretch like me.

P.S. I understand why Bill wants John to be saved but I don't understand why Bill couldn't stay friends with both Reese and John.  I don't force my friends to be friends with my other friends. You know what I mean?